-5 Min Read
Introduction
As our family has grown, our beliefs and convictions have grown as well. Praise the Lord for His grace through sanctification! One of the ways our parenting has changed over the years is that we wholeheartedly believe in worshiping as a family-integrated church. This means that our children, infants to adults, are not segregated during Lord’s Day services. We joyfully welcome children to worship and hear God’s word being preached alongside their parents and fellow churchgoers. The blessings this has brought to our family are magnified in our conversations, singing, scripture reading, and daily life! The Lord has been so kind. But I am not so naive to ignore that keeping children in church, especially infants to toddlers, can be difficult! Hence why there are so many church programs that remove children from the main services to a “children’s church” or staffed nursery. But let us not forget, that parenting is challenging! Yet God in His mercies always provides strength for His people in what He has commanded them to do.
So let’s go over some of the ways you can prepare your family for a family-integrated church. As I write this, I am currently a mother of four children, ages nine, seven, four, and one. And we are expecting our fifth child any day now! We began keeping our children in the service with us three years ago, and have had our fair share of troubleshooting. I want to break this down into age groups because as a child grows older, the easier it is to have them a part of worship.
I will also preface this by saying that at Heritage Baptist Church, we do have an unstaffed nursery room available for small children. This provides a space for nursing mothers, unsettled babies, or toddlers simply having a hard day. The sermon is streamed directly to the room so that mothers and children can still hear the message even if they are not able to be directly in the room. I am very grateful to have this option with little ones and it is used as needed.
The Infant Stage
I would say most families have unconsciously practiced family-integrated worship with their infants! It’s very common for mothers to keep their new little ones in the services with them. Newborns tend to sleep a lot, making it easy to hold them through a service. Or if they do need to be fed, a bottle or a nursing cover can easily help a mother feed her child through the service. I also highly recommend a comfortable baby carrier for this time, especially if you have multiple children. It is so simple to snuggle your baby into a carrier, leaving your hands free to assist your older children or to be able to more easily follow along in your Bible during the service.
The 6-12 Month Stage
Your sweet baby has made it out of the sleepy newborn stage and now loves to make noises, crawl or walk around, and altogether is just busy. This is such a fun stage as they are learning so many new things! Let’s view sitting through a worship service as just one more thing they get to learn to do. During this stage, the baby carrier can still be helpful to hold your growing baby in. I also invest in lots of snacks and quiet toys for this age. For snacks, think puffs, applesauce pouches, teething crackers, cereal, goldfish, etc… For most snacks, I like to put them into a snack container ahead of time to eliminate the extra noise of opening up a package. For toys, I bring an entire bag devoted to just our toys. These are toys that are not played with during the week at home so they appeal more to the child when brought out only once a week. A simple Google search for quiet baby toys will bring up all kinds of options for you! A few simple ones though are things like teethers, stickers (I actually place these on my hands and let my child pull them off. It’s very entertaining for them and quiet!), busy boards, water wow coloring books, touch and feel books, etc…
And let’s just be honest, this takes LOTS of practice! Your baby will make noise. That’s ok! A family-integrated church is used to practicing the grace of not staring at you every time your child makes a peep. Some weeks your baby may make it through the entire service, praise the Lord! Some weeks, you may only make it through ten minutes, but the Lord is still good! This is a time you can practice patience with your children and pray this verse for them,
“Train up a child in the way he should go,
– Proverbs 22:6 (NASB)
Even when he grows older he will not abandon it.”
The 1-2 Year Old Stage
Your little one is now fully mobile and much more talkative. I love this stage as children start to mimic more of what they are seeing. And if they see their family and friends singing praises to the Lord or bowing their heads in prayers, children often follow along in their own little ways. Yes, this stage is still filled with you practicing patience and gently reminding your child to sit as quietly as they can. But at this point, they are often more interested in their busy boards, coloring books, and especially their snacks! Parents, never underestimate the help of a good snack for your child. I type this with a smile, as we all know how much toddlers love their snacks. As your child grows closer to the two-year-old mark, you may be surprised by how much they pick up on in the service. Hymns become more familiar to them and keywords may start to grab their attention more. Enjoy every bit of these moments, they may be small but are in no way insignificant!
The 3-4 Year Old Stage
Personally, this was our breath of fresh air stage! At this age, children are more accustomed to the schedule of the service. They know when to stand and when to sing, and they’re getting better at closing their eyes along with you during prayers. At this age, we have a tradition in our family where the child gets to pick out their very own Bible. We show them options online and then we get their name engraved on their new Bible as well. This is such a sweet way to involve your children more in the church. Of course, they can’t read yet, but having their own Bible to bring and hold is a special moment for them. We still bring coloring books or snacks at this age if needed, but most children are able to sit for an hour without many interruptions. And if you find that your child is still struggling, that’s ok! Please always feel free to reach out for additional counsel or encouragement, and know that hard days still do happen. Isn’t that true for all of us? We all have moments where we lack the attention span to sit still or listen intently. But the Lord gives us grace, and we can certainly extend that grace to our children.
“The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
– Psalm 103:8 (NASB)
Slow to anger and abounding in mercy.”
5 Years Old and Up
Friends, being able to sing, worship, and pray alongside your children is a blessing unlike any other. At this age, we prepare our children for the service in different ways. We often read the upcoming scriptures for the service along with them to familiarize them with the content. We practice singing hymns at home as a family, so if they are unable to read just yet they can still be a part of singing. We update them on prayer requests that are sent through the church email so that they too can pray for their church family. We talk to them ahead of time about upcoming events such as a baptism or the Lord’s Supper. After service, we ask them what they thought of the sermon and if they have any questions. We treat them as part of the church because they are! This is cause for much rejoicing and opens the door for so many natural conversations to have with your children.
Additional Tips for All Ages
Here are a few extra tips that I personally have noticed to help our children. We like to begin our Sunday mornings with a filling breakfast that is low in sugar. I’ve noticed that if I fuel my kiddos with donuts or cinnamon rolls, they are often more jittery through the service and are quicker to complain of being hungry for lunch. So things like eggs, muffins, fruit, oatmeal, etc… Seem to be a better option to set them up for success in sitting still.
We also skip any type of screen time on Sunday mornings. Instead, I encourage them to get those wiggles out once they are dressed and ready for church! Whether that be through playing with toys, dancing to music, or even just playing a card game together. Starting their morning with playtime makes a massive impact for later.
And lastly, my attitude will quickly change theirs. If I am grumpy, rushing, and snapping at everyone then it’s very hard to make it through the church doors ready to worship with joy. Yes, there will be hard moments, but as parents, we get to set the example of how to respond in such moments. We can choose to respond with patience, gentleness, and joy. By God’s grace, we can show our children the fruits of the Spirit and encourage them in that. We wouldn’t want to treat our fellow churchgoers with sharpness in our speech and aggravation seeping through our actions. Remember, your children are fellow churchgoers too. So treat them as such when it comes to your attitude.
Conclusion
There will be Sundays when things just don’t go as planned. You may have all the toys, all the snacks, and the best attitude. And you may only make it through ten minutes of the service. Pray for wisdom for the next Sunday and the Sunday after that! Cast your anxieties upon the Lord and trust in His faithfulness to provide when you are feeling weak. Remember that His mercies are new every single morning. I want to encourage you to press on even when it’s difficult because the blessings of worshiping alongside your family far outweigh the hardships of making it happen. This calling of Biblical parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint. And joyfully welcoming your children into church services is just another way to carry out Biblical parenting.
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.”
– 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NASB)